So, after much anticipation and the whole "blogs blowing up" about it, the new, and completely overhauled, season of America's Next Top Model premiered Friday night (8/24) and it was a giant SHIT STORM. When the blogs were "blowing up" about it earlier in the year, the fact that sexy man, Nigel Barker, and Mr. & Mrs. Jay were all gone broke my little ANTM heart. What the hell was TyTy thinking? Harvard must have really changed her! Nigel Barker is a damn sexy British man that was one of the very few highlights of the entire series! Mr. Jay and his snarky comments on set at the photoshoots and Mrs. Jay and his runway walk classes and his sassy comments about the girls and their horrible walks... all just gone. In the blink of an eye, TyTy had broken all that was ANTM. No one ever watched the show for her, she just happened to be on the show. We watch it for Nigel, the ridiculous gays, and the makeover episode where everyone cries about their hair!
Two minutes, yes, just two, into the new season, I realized something... "I could totally make a drinking game for whenever Tyra says she graduated from Harvard." And thus, the saving grace of this season was born!
Luckily, most of my dear friends watch this trainwreck AND enjoy alcohol, so I would like to present to you the first installment of watching ANTM while drinking, featuring myself and the lovely Marissa:
SCENE 1
M: I'm one minute into the premiere. Harvard has been mentioned once. One drink. I'll keep you posted.
N: It really is a shit storm this season! More than it usually is! America votes!
M: Twice.
M: I'm going to get really, REALLY drunk, aren't I?
N: Yep. There's a girl there that goes to Harvard too, so... There's that.
M: FUUUUUUUUUUCK. Do I have to count Harvard tshirts, too?
M: I HAVE A JOB I HAVE TO KEEP!
SCENE 2
M: My friend Nicole Finneman came up with a super good game for the America's Next Top Model premiere - take a drink every time Tyra mentions she went to Harvard. I'm three minutes in and I feel dizzy. Someone take my keys.
N: I have a feeling it will be an all-season game!
M: THE T-SHIRTS! My golly, the T-shirts!
M: THREE
N: Right?! Thems there are some hookers.
M: Also how about we talk about the fact that every season the token "smarty" gets called out for not liking fashion enough (meanwhile, the gal from a coal mining town whose favorite designer is Kathy Ireland makes it to the top) so HOW IS TYRA GOING TO PICK WHO TO DEGRADE FOR BEING SMART????
N: The online college girl.
M: Four and five. I need to refresh my beverage.
N: You're gonna need the bottle.
M: ONASD'PFOKJADF;LKA LIBERTY UNIVERSITY ONLINE
N: Home schooled too! Just wait until you get to her evaluation with the judges... Oh man.
M: HAHAHAHAHAA DJ TARYN MANNING!!!!! Pretty sure I just woke up the entire building with how loudly I laughed
M: The blogs have been blowing up about those judges. You know how the blogs just love to blow up.
N: They love to blow up about shitty choices. All. The. Time. (TyTy is trying real hard to justify her decision)
N: PS one of the girl's evaluations involves her saying "You're a racist"
M: I don't think I've ever laughed so hard in my life. I AM SEVEN MINUTES INTO THE SHOW. Are we really calling Katy Perry influential in the fashion world now? Is that what we're doing?
M: LAKDSFJAS;LDFKJA;LKDJFFDS;LKJ
M: SPOILER ALERT
N: Yep because she has spinning candy on her boobs
N: Personally, I enjoy his lisp. :)
M: Hello lateral lisp.
N: And by enjoy, i mean I hope he dies in a firestorm of glitter
M: "I'm energetic, I'm fun, I have ADD... Woo WOOO!"
M: That may have been the greatest line in the history of reality television
N: Right?! COLLEGE!
M: You cried once? Cool. Top ten.
M: HOLY SHIT THE MEOWING GIRL.
N: Seriously. Just plain creepy and not even that good at sounding like a cat!
M: "If you have a problem with my face, well, you're racist"
M: How is a Jewish girl even ALLOWED into Liberty University?
N: My thoughts exactly.
M: From Homeless to Hollywood
N: Next season's theme should be ANTM: Homeless Edition
M: And then, the amputees.......
N: Well, you gotta represent for the amputees! They can totes do an ad for Smashbox!
AND SCENE.
As you can see, the drinking makes it so much more enjoyable! I certainly hope to make this a weekly occurrence, but I'm pretty sure my liver will give out before the season is over, but I'm willing to give it a try if you are. So, just remember, every time TyTy mentions she graduated from Harvard, her education, or just Harvard in general, DRINK!